Wrong Place, Wrong Time?

[davidklecha]

You ever get the feeling that you're not where you're supposed to be?

I've been getting that a bit, lately. Had a conversation with dsudis the other day on this topic. She noted, not for the first time, that my chosen associations seem to include a great number of liberals and non-Christians, and that this could be troublesome for the moderate-to-conservative Catholic that I am. Of course, I've already noticed that to be the case over the years. marnan and I used to have epic (or so I remember them) arguments about all manner of things relating to our wildly differing views on just about everything.

So, with the notable exception of my journal post of last week, I've been trying more and more lately to avoid discussing contentious topics, no matter how much I may disagree with the local consensus. But I still find myself on the "wrong" side of discussions and arguments, more often than not finding myself being ganged-upon. It happened last night (of course, this isn't out of the blue) in a chat with other aspiring genre author types. I stated an opinion, not that unequivocally, which I didn't think would cause that much of a stir... yet I suddenly found at least five people arguing with me, denouncing me (by way of my opinion) as backwards, narrow-minded, etc.

And for the most part, this was my response: ...

Ever try to argue with five people in a chat, simultaneously? Friggin' impossible.

And that's not the first time it's happened. So, naturally, I wonder if there's something wrong with me, or is it just that I see the world in such a way that pisses off a large number of people. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but I can't count the number of times I've been in a situation where people expected there to be something resembling a consensus opinion, or common knowledge, and I was the odd dude out.

Am I in the wrong place? Should I eschew SF/F fandom entirely? I know I felt like turning my back on it last night. But, then what? How pathetic is it to feel like an outcast from a group traditionally on the fringes of society? So it's either back to the mainstream (no thanks), or I join the general trend of internet groupings and see if I can find My Particular Niche Group.


Off to find my niche, then, I guess. Wish me luck.

Comments

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: It's a big world, buddy. There have to be at least two of you, probably more. You should start a LJ community!

[daveamongus.livejournal.com]

You know, and I was thinking that just now, poking around LJ to see what other communities are out there. Nothing looked terribly promising, but I was not looking all that closely.

We'll see, I guess.

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

Okay, there used to be this feature where you could find users similar to yourself on the basis of shared interests (extra weight given to 'unusual' interests, so everybody I got was a slasher and etc.) which would allow you to find other people interested in, e.g., Catholicism and science fiction and guns or however you might fiddle with your interests to find people. But that feature has apparently evaporated, and they don't allow you to search the directory for the conjunction of two interests, so. Now I am frustrated with lj.

You could try dropping posts into some of the 81 communities that list Catholicism, though (yay for clicking through your interests!) looking for fannish types.

[onyxwolf.livejournal.com]

*randomly drools*

[tangled-rhythms.livejournal.com]

First off, I'm going to tell you what I've told everyone else who has a journal on here. It's *your* journal. You write whatever you want to write. Anyone wants to disagree, let them do it in their own journal. You have the right to say whatever you want in this space. It is yours. Anyone doesn't like it, they don't have to read it.

Secondly, there are those people who are always going to be the square peg to everyone else's round holes. Even those who are supposed to be square will find this person more rectangular than square like them. Those people usually find that everyone else is angry at them for not being like them. It very well may be that you are one of those people. I can't say one way or the other since I don't know. What I can say is that those 'odd shaped" people are usually the catalysts for change in either beliefs or ideas because they never settle for the response 'we've always done it this way' or 'just because'. Those people are necessary if there is to ever be growth and change. Unfortunately, they often have few friends in the other groups of thinkers.

Perhaps you are around these other people who are so unlike you because you enjoy the challenge of trying to sway them to your way of thinking. However, from what I read, I think it may be that you search for honest discussion and exchange of ideas between individuals. Whatever your reasoning may be, the painful fact is that it is often going to make you odd man out.

I agree with the other respondent that you need to cultivate more people who are like minded, if not on every subject at least on several. That's not to say you should leave your friends who are different, but that it would be a lot less rough on your self esteem and your confidence if you could converse with people who said "I agree" to your statements more often than "No, you're wrong".

I think with the great number of people on Lj that you most likely can find a community or group of individuals that match most of what you're looking for. However, if you want to start your own community, I'm sure there's someone with lots of Lj codes still unused on your friends' list. It just may be that you're left with no choice but to create your own niche, but that's not such a bad thing.

[marnan.livejournal.com]

Well, hon, I don't really enjoy arguing. And I get the impression you don't either. So usually, ever since I figured this out, I don't argue with you. I just sort of say "oh, it's Dave, bless 'is 'eart" and I carry on.

Ya know, we can always talk about music or hockey or books or something. I understand that a person needs at least one person for every controversial topic -- anyway, total polarization never seems productive to me. You know, The Wife and I pretty much agree on a number of things about which I argue with tygerr and with iclysdale -- on the other hand, those are things on which the guys and I agree _to a point_. This seems to make debate more productive that arguing with people I totally disagree with, where an awful lot of crankiness creeps in awfully fast.

But anyway. I like you. So there. And I hope that you still come around even after you broaden your horizons some.

[daveamongus.livejournal.com]

You know, honestly, you're one of the last people I worry about with this, because even when it comes to the controversial, I know I could probably talk to you without feeling marginalized. And of course, I will come around, if for no other reason than I like you, too.

Of course, a lot of this is moot now, and I'll have to start fresh, again, when I get back in early '05. I'm off to spend a year with a group that I'll be an oddball in in completely different ways.